Tuesday 24 November 2009

New Moon: Porn for Chicks

I have to confess to the brotherhood on this page that I went to the Twilight movie, New Moon, yesterday. Before I'm excommunicated please let me explain. I did it for me, and us, my brothers.

For me, because now when something of explodey awesomeness graces the big wide screen I've got one round in the belt. Secondly, consider it "one for the team", so to speak. We need to know what these women are being exposed to - literally, and artistically - for the purpose of expecting to be punished for not wanting to die if your missus dies and not having a hot body....like those fuckers do in the movie.

If we were to find a comparison for New Moon as a dude flick attempting to get the same reaction we'd be looking at something based on 16 year old school girls running around in string bikini tops and tight little work out shorts, in the rain. Seriously, GROWN women were giggling like girls at EVERY dumb joke and gratuitous pose....and it was FULL of it.

Edward's a skinny arse mother fucker, by the way. Pffft.

The bird is bipolar, as well - fits most chicks. Apparently she's read something about Vampire cock somewhere - going by her begging for it - and is BUSTING for it but when he face palms her she finds a hole in the forest - literally - and crawls in.

Men, if you were to go to a movie that was about 16 year old girls wearing next to nothing you'd be labelled a perv one step up from the worst kind. So why is it different for chicks?.

11 comments:

  1. It has to do with a weird combination of homophobia and sexism, Moko. We WANT tweens to go ape over boys to reinforce heterosexual culture with the sole purpose of producing children. The double standard you identify also has its roots in a suppressed premise that men are sexual animals that don't need to be encouraged to have sex (which is why there is no overt encouragement for men), whereas women - or so the twisted argument goes - could easily do without having sex with men and probably would have nothing to do with men if not conditioned to want them. When seen through this lens, these movies are a valuable form of behavior training.

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  2. I agree, but I'll also reiterate that the 80% of women in the cinema were aged from 25 to 40.

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  3. It is RIDICULOUS and AWFUL.

    There is a proper porn source for women - and it is BBC costume dramas, particularly Jane Austen. That's really as far as we should go.

    Twilight is unmitigated shit, and insulting to our collective intelligence to boot.

    I cannot even begin to understand its appeal.

    Blech, this whole thing disgusts me.

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  4. So the entire movie is a male version of Megan Fox in Transformers 2?

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  5. If Megan Fox had friends and they all wore tiny bikinis in the rain and posed.

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  6. Moko - having older women present is part of the conditioning process. They provide necessary "role model" value and a sense of continuity necessary for operant conditioning to be effective.

    Girl Clumsy - perhaps you missed out on attempts to condition your generation to automatically accept heterosexuality. if you don't see why it is "appealing" then you somehow escaped being impressed like gosslings "impress" on the first ting they see.

    Count yourself lucky.

    Nautilus - Yes. Precisely.

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  7. Ha. I just started reading New Moon yesterday, having finished Twilight (both borrowed from my 15 year old niece, I should stress – I see no reason to give any more money to Stephenie Meyer than she already has).

    I’m doing it for much the same reason. What is all the fuss about? Are they that good? Well, I don’t know what the films are like, but the books are pretty dire, even allowing for the readership they’re aimed at. Not badly written technically, but very bland and repetitive. I guess that it’s a bit like with the films – the female equivalent of all the girlie mags there are for men. Only without pictures.

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  8. Thanks dude for taking that bullet.

    I feel I shouldn't comment as I have never, nor will never ever see the movie or read the book so I am reluctant to put the boot in though I would realy like to.

    Perhaps it is a masterpiece of Brechtian theature, a piece of prose that brings to mind Marlowe, but I doubt it.

    If I was a 17 year old male and going to see this was all was need to secure the chances of sex with the girl who chose this as the movie we went to see with I would still be reluctant to go see this movie.

    Also this is why Zombie films are inherently superior to Vampire films as they do not need the addition of other supernatural creatures to keep the franchise going (ie werewolves). Zombie films just need more, and perhaps bigger zombies.

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  9. The Team thanks you for taking one for it.

    I love my wife. She thinks Twilight is shit too. (And let's not pretend that 25-40 audience aren't Meyer's REAL audience. They have the disposable cash that the tweens don't.)

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  10. Hear hear girl clumsy. I'm another who just doesn't get it. I traipsed along to see the first one after all the hype and was bored shitless. I'm over 40 though so perhaps not target audience.

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  11. that part with the "pack"..that was nothing more than a sausage fest.

    All in all..I liked the movie..basically the Twilight series for girls is equal to the Star Wars series for guys.

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