A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Psychiatrist...

Not that I've ever been to one. Just liked the title.

Related blog though.

Recently been struggling with a few things with Trace being sick as a dog with the potential of worse case scenario looming like a fucking freight train while you're tied to the tracks, and work being a nightmare and the bloke I work with being a nightmare and no sleep all adding up to yours truly taking a day off yesterday just to gather my thoughts because I just felt like I couldn't fucking escape from ANYTHING.

I've had depression. I got shafted by my first real relationship with losing a house, a best friend, a dog, and a cat all in one foul swoop. I hit me. It hit me hard. It took me three or four years to figure out I had real head issues going on and I needed those issues to piss off. A basic realisation was all that happened. I woke up one day and just let it all go. Really, it was as simple as that. I went to a doctor back then and asked for help. She asked if I wanted anti-depressants ... just like everyone else who asks for help, apparently. Maybe, they just want fucking help, like I did. I said no thanks, and told her to go fuck herself, and walked out.

I found a men's 'group' that apparently dealt with things like this. Beauty, I thought. Went to like a meeting with this chick and her second question was "Do you go to church?". I told her to go fuck herself too, and walked out.

THAT'S when I thought I'm the only one here being punished for other's sins. Are these arseholes really worth beating yourself up over and what are you gaining from it. No, and nothing. And away it went. Like a black dog in the night.

Fast forward to yesterday.

I went to the doc yesterday, mostly for the docs certificate I needed for work for the day off. Hadn't slept since two that morning and I kinda felt a bit emotional. The doc asked what was going on. Long story short, it was like "BLEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH" and he asked if I wanted to see a shrink. Then it hit me.

Dunno if you really realise how many times you're asked in interviews, or applications for ANYTHING, that if you've ever sought psychological treatment? How much of a double edged sword is that. You can get treatment but the consequences of seeking professional help potentially VASTLY outweigh the issues you may be having before you see one. They can't tell the weapons office that you were only there because you felt a bit shit and needed some random shrink to just blow out on.

Get help, but here's a dildo for doing it, and bend over. It seems to me that mental health is a fundamentally flawed concept and as much as people are becoming more comfortable with people needing some sort of help. Probably because these days nearly everyone is fucked in the head, but there's still a lingering punishment for doing it. Bizarre, really.

As for me. The work shit will work itself out after Xmas. Trace is feeling better and she got some decent news so we'll wear that one till the next episode.

Chur.

Pics and vids from NZ

We had a successful trip back to New Zealand and it was really great to see the family again. I would've updated earlier but the only comments I got about going were from people on Twitter so didn't think the bloggy world gave a shit, but I checked the view count and there could be some lurkers. So apologies if for some reason you're hanging for some vids etc.

First stop - excluding dunners and such - was Milford Sound. Milford Sound is a day a bit trip from Dunedin - well, you EASILY do it inside a day but you'll be missing heaps - and you stay at a little lake side town of Te Anau. Te Anau is about 2.5 hours - if that, 2 on a good run - from Milford via some of most amazing scenery you're even likely to see.

Here's a vid of the Homer Tunnel. Google it. Amazing story. And watch it till the end. Amazing scenery there. But the tunnel is the decent from WAY up in the mountains down into Fiordland. 1.2k's long at a 10% decent. Be in awe of my driving skills.

Next stop was Milford Sound itself. Milford Sound isn't actually a Sound, but I won't ruin the story for you. Go and find out what it is. And they spelt Fiordland wrong. *face palm*.

Click this for the Milford Sound vid.

After Milford - don't forget the bug spray! - we ventured north and stayed at a place called Omarama. There's really fuck all there, apart from a bed. It was, however, nice and central - excuse the inside joke - to some more serious scenery.

The first day in that area we went to the Tasman National park. Which is more famously known and as Mt Cook ... or more PC ... Aoraki. Last year - dunno if you remember the vid - but we did a chopper flight from the West Coast and up and over which is on the other side. This next vid is the eastern side of those mountains.

VID OF ME FREEZING ME GOOLIES AT TASMAN GLACIER

Unreal place. Rugged as all buggery, but sooo fricken stunning no words nor pics can do it justice. You HAVE to see it.

Here's a another vid at Mt John Observatory. This place is a functioning observatory for the University of Canterbury. This is at Tekapo, inland from Christchurch ... practically. That's probably the best vid for scenery. We did a thousand more thing and stayed at some GORGEOUS places. I couldn't possibly share anything to do it justice, but there's a few photo's in my image blog on the top right there, and the NZ ones start from the bush shot with the gravel path.

GO THERE.

...TO NEW ZEALAND, not my image blog ... well, go there too!

UnZud Here We Come

Haven't had a decent holiday in a few years and have been busting my arse with this job for the last two to the point where I'm about worn out. Unfortunately I broke my finger three weeks back and although that's a royal pain in the arse it's has given me a breather from work. Only have worked about three days in the last three weeks and have this week coming then have another three booked on holidays. Thank. You. God. Above.

I really needed it. Did I mention that?

We went back last year but it was a REAL flying visit as I could only get a week off and we filled it to overflowing with stuff. This year the goal is photography. We arrive in NZ on the 20th of this month and fly out on the 30th which is the second Thursday. We're heading to Fiordland for a few day - three, maybe - then off too Northern Otago/Southern Canterbury to visit the bluest lakes I've ever experienced too. Last year we took a chopper flight  from the West Coast up over and on the glaciers and up around Aoraki and Mount Tasman. This time, we're going to tackle it from the other side and venture around the lakes really just for the relax.

Obviously there's the family stuff and can't wait to see them and also we're going to check out Aramoana on the Dunedin Peninsula where I've promised to find Trace some penguins and seals. Wish me luck. Aramoana was on the receiving end of a terribly tragic event and I haven't been back there for years. I was there barely a month out from the massacre and all that stuff is just a fraction real. We were there for a BBQ just before it and wandered through the scene merely days out from it happening. Needless to say, I'm really uncomfortable there.

But, that's the past and I might take some flowers to remember them.

One week to go.

Jesse Owens' Untold Story

One of the greatest olympic stories funnily enough ends in one of my picks for greatest photos. Here it be:



We've all heard the story of Jesse Owens running and beating everyone in his 100m race in the 1936 Olympics in front of the Third Reich, and of course, Hitler. What happened the next day is where the story really becomes one of the greatest examples of humanity and what it's capable of.

The following day came the long jump and Owens was unexpectedly in trouble. In the morning qualifying session he had two foul jumps, leaving him with one chance to record the necessary distance of 7.15m, usually comfortably within his range. Then Luz Long, Germany's great hope, the embodiment of the Aryan ideal and Owens's chief rival for gold, introduced himself to the American and recommended he set his runup marker back a foot or so in order to be sure of recording a legal jump. Owens did so and sailed into the final.

In the final Owens took an early lead with a jump of 7.74m but Long went ahead in the penultimate round, leaping out to 7.87m. Owens responded in sensational style with 7.94m in the fifth and 8.06m in the sixth and final round. Luz was the first to congratulate him and they took a lap of honour around the stadium together as the crowd rose to salute them both. "It took a lot of courage for him to befriend me in front of Hitler," said Owens later. "You can melt down all the medals and cups I have and they wouldn't be a plating on the 24-carat friendship I felt for Luz Long at that moment."

I guess, in part, that photo is responsible for my love of photography.

Mental Illness and Gun Ownership

Another whack job walks into a crowded area and takes out a another dozen or so people. I think the universe looks at us as a species and just shakes its head. We're flawed, and scary. Not sure what gets people to the point that they've lost that much humanity and distanced themselves so far from their soul they could hold a gun against a group of people and watch sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, and babies, die, in a most gruesome and torturous way.

I can't comprehend this shit. The soul is getting a fragile I think. I can't look at headlines and just see a story any more. I see people I could love and cherish. It's only some universal lottery that I wasn't born related and/or formed a friendship with them. Every time I read about THEM, I well up and get lumpy in the throat.

Some call it evil. Some call it a twisted form of faith. Really, the truth of the matter is that it is mental illness and some form of alienation from reality that caused this. Sure, guns were the choice of method and there's a very reasoned argument for the much heavier regulation of firearms in the States. No civilian needs access to military weapons. There's a place for heavier calibre semi-auto's in pest control but there's no reason why someone need mags 30-100 rounds deep in a civilian situation. I can't see the issue with people having personal protection. I wish we did.

The point of this is though, past the headlines and debate on weapons there's people mourning and in some serious pain. Let's not forget about them, and let's not forget about why it REALLY happened. Mental illness.

Holy Shit

Didn't realise its been that long.

Found some motivation via Naut to update here. All good, and nothing to report. Really, anything that I post on the web now is via my photo blog on the right there, and one daily image blog HERE. That last one is just with the iPhone and no effort goes into them other than keeping me thinking about taking shots and looking for things to take shots OF.

Uh, work is tickety boo and I've got 3 weeks hols coming up in late August. Making a effort at saving some cash for a trip home to NZ but for some reason money won't stay in my bank account. We'll get there, I'm sure.

Trace is doing alright.

Ummm that's about it really. I'm always available on Twitter via @MokoTwits and of course FaceBook which I won't link here.

Chur.

Who wants to take sub orbit pictures?

I've got like eleventy million projects on the go which include getting in to the bush and do some shooting, First Person View RC plane, taking photos of planets, various photography stuff like getting shots of deer and stuff ... ANNNNND getting a camera up in a balloon and videoing the entire journey.

Why? Why not...

So this is my update. When I get some things to post here, I will.

Check out my photography blog HERE.

Two Way Radio Frequencies - Australia

Got some fan-dangled two way radios from the States for a few projects I've got going on. Figured I'd get on Amazon and Ebay for some deals. They're usually fairly good for that. Found a set from midway that comes with all the bits and pieces for making them super spesh and awesome and shit. Saw some reviews on YouTube about these and figured they were the one to get. Similar quality sets here cost HUNDREDS.

SO I bought em and they arrived. They came charged and ready to go. Actually awesome quality, weight - sturdy but light - with ear pieces and the shiznit. Hundred and something bucks for top end two ways with a reach of 36 miles. Hazzah! ... yeah .. not.

Turns out, after some accidental research, these American frequencies are the ones you need licences to use. And guess who has licences for em? SES, Department of Justice, Federal Police ... oh my GOD.

Actually have no idea on the recourse I've got for this. The packaging gets turned confetti on arrival ... or do you use em on the low power in the bush and hope no one's in the area?