Monday, 21 October 2013

Some honesty with myself.

I'm basically a professional offsider, and I have a run that's mine. I get various drivers. I wrote this a month or so back, and put it on Facebook. It really was just for me and I guess a way to tell people close to me what was going on with me at the time. Things have changed for the better since then, apart from anxiety I get occasionally. And that's really just a result of who I might be with. I don't go well with some drivers of my truck.

I'm reprinting what I wrote here because I got a great response from random people on FB. Even from some top ranking people in public service who deal with real horror. And have for a long time.

We had an accident at work a few weeks back. A guy on a motorbike made a really bad decision and was devastatingly hurt under the truck. He is apparently okay, but weirdly, it has stuck with me.
My logic says he's fine apart from a long road of healing but for some reason it has stuck with like a big splinter festering away. It's odd, my logic and reason has perspective and wants to file it away as finished and dealt with. But for some reason the mind doesn't accept this and it manifests in anxiety and sleeplessness. I'm like a cricket in the truck. It's frustrating.
The incident was horrible and the sounds were something I hadn't heard before. It stuck like watching something die. He was broken, skinned to the muscle and bone, his bowels released, and there was nothing anyone could do to help. It's over and that moment passed. But it's like an emotional echo.
So this is another step in exorcising that demon in an attempt to slot reason, logic, and mind into one harmonious thing. Hope this helps....
And I hope it helps someone else.


  1. Mokes, I'm sorry you suffered this, more sorry for cyclist. But this is the right path talk it out.

  2. I am so glad you put it 'out there' Pete & you're getting the help you need. Well, I HOPE you've been getting the help you need. All the best ok. I often think about what you went through & what you & Tracy go through as well. You & Tracy sure do have it too rough. Credit to both of you. I don't know how you two cope. But social media is a fantastic way of getting help that you need. Glad I could help in some way. Cheers, Trish.


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